For the past few weeks I have been wondering if I really ever wanted to remarry. I have been thinking it may be best to simply stop looking and settle into a solitary life here in my very small town. It seems less complicated, less painful to just be secure in who I am alone, without the heartache that trying to create a companionship would enviable bring.
Many of my friends are males. I seem to more easily relate to guys. I think because I have 8 brothers and my brain just seems to be more comfortable with the why men think.
I was talking to one of these male friends (my hit and run guy) on the phone the other day. My son loves to talk to him and always asks if he can. It is usually a quick Hi, and then the phase "Back to Mom" with the phone shoved quickly back into my face. This day however was different. My friend asked if my son would like to talk to him. My son said yes and grabbed the phone from me. He started talking, telling stories, hopes, fears, and triumphs. He talked about school and his bike. He went on and on, I could hardly believe all the things inside my sons head that he could somehow only share with another man who cared about him.
As I laid there next to my son quietly listening to the innocent conversation I began to softly cry. This is what I wanted for my son. I wanted a sense of family. Quiet nights and long conversations. A male who would take an interest in his life.
I wanted to be married. In that moment all the hard in my heart began to melt and vulnerability took it's place, just like magic.
*approved by my hit and run guy
